Shedding the mask of self belief

Shedding the mask of self belief

There are many ways to learn to create what you want in your life and there are many people teaching it.  I have been lucky enough to learn the art of manifesting the best for me in my life; however I had to learn to manifest the worst things to get to where I am at today.  To understand what I am talking about, let me take you on a journey.

The journey begins with the self deception that I was taught at a very young age.  The people in my life had to teach me, how I was not enough, my worthiness was not important and even my existence was a nuisance.  This was a hard card to be dealt, at the same time it was my destiny to find the truth.  As many years past and the choices I made could have been detrimental; yet I had this instinct that there was something more.  I made bad choices that produced the feelings of being trapped in relationship that I had chosen, oddly or not oddly enough, I chose people who continued the banter reflecting my worthlessness.  As I heard the voices, and saw my choices, I could not help but believe there was something more, that I was destine for better things.

The universe was kind to me; I was handed many people that assisted in my education in learning about me, some were very negative in their teaching methods. There were also many people who assisted me to see that I did have potential; they also gave me the tools to continue on the path of manifesting a better life.

With that I was able to grow, I started listening to my inner voice, asking for more than what was showing up in my immediate world and more people came stepping in to help. I do honor those people for the lessons and the assistance. More importantly it was that I was able to receive, and allowed myself to learn.

This it was the starting point to my ability to manifest.  I began to make more connections to the things that I saw inside of me; shaping a belief that I had a chance at a better life, yet there again I had obstacles of verbally abusive people, who wanted me to stay in the place of unworthiness.

Living with abuse, is never fun, verbal abuse seemed to be the one thing that could keep me in the place of non-worth. It was justification that I had no right to be in this world, or I was just a problem.  I was accused of being “high and mighty” and that I was a little pretentious for my place in life.  Was I attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed? Maybe; my life did not have the best track record as far as following the rules of society. I did not have the best vehicle or the best cloths; I even felt less than most people that I came into contact with.

If I had chosen to believe that, I would have continued on that path.

Again the universe stepped in and began the real unfolding on my ability to manifest. I had to start being clear on what I wanted and clearing my life of those who were on the course of attempting me to stop reaching my full potential. I also had to take the time and honor them, for the lessons they had taught me, and for the strength I gained and I had to look very closely at the mirror of the lessons. Knowing what was really mine, where did I become pretentious, where my worthiness was, and what I really believed. It became the starting ground for my greatest adventure.  I became the mulching machine of emotions. It opened me up to possibility, just because I stopped taking it personal and started hearing the message.

The potential for a whole new life was there at my grasp and I took it. I started learning from every experience, slowing down and looking for the synchronicities, and the people that would deliver the negative messages, and the positive. I tuned into my inner self, and started listening to my heart.

That one belief of “I am more,” may have looked pretentious to those who seen only the negative aspects of my life. They may have even seen that in themselves. Aligning with my own integrity in what I believed about me, allowed me to step fully into the place I feel comfortable, it also allowed me to see the possibilities. Wanting more out of life or acting like you have more than you are in life are of course two different things. The idea is to be in aligning with your true potential and allow it to come in. Being more than you actually are, this means that you act or personify the ideals you would like. However if there is no follow through, no actual action that states you are what you want to emulate, you become the pretention behind a mask.

Trying to impress people was not my strong point, so why was I being called so many things that I felt were not me. Because I was not fully stepping in, those beliefs were able to take foot hold on me.  I had to let go of those beliefs and into my own, to bring me to the place where I feel that alignment of purpose.

There is fine line that I walk, sometimes I may have seemed pretentious and I am sure there are times where I still may seem that way. There is a positive space for pretention and a negative space. Sometimes to reach ones goals we must believe we are more than we seem to be, sometimes we have to try and be a bit bigger than life, just to soar for a little bit. This is the positive space.  Yet is it pretention?

Pretention is described as boastful, arrogant and egotistical. It is also described as ambitious.

This is where the positive space is, as I am ambitious, to gain the pieces of life that were me and to overcome all those negative statements that kept me possibly in the arrogant and ego places of self.

Looking closely at the patterns of people in my life, the choices I had made and the places I stayed, I have been able to overcome the negative patterns of ego and honor the people that kept me there. I also must maintain the humility, the place where I do not step on others or hurt them in my actions.

While we all can be a bit bigger than self, we also can create a better life, taking in that we do desire more out of what we are getting. We can manifest the best life possible. As I have grown so has the criticism, yet I did not allow my ego to react, I have heard the message, yet I choose not to believe. I also can see where the message is not for me, it is the projection of others, their jealousy, and their journey.

I recently took a trip Belize and truly enjoyed it, upon my return people reacted in many ways. The people I was closest too knew that this was on my graduation bucket lists. They were excited to hear all about my trip. Those in my past were skeptics, and found fault with my ability to manifest such a great experience, and also treated me as if I were being too boastful. I was celebrating the first time that I stepped off a plane into another country. I was celebrating the joy that I felt to complete my degree. Yet again jealousy and criticism were trying to block me from believing that I could have joyful experiences.

I am now on my way to my next goal after graduation, to a beautiful place in Peru, where I get to study more of the art of Qi Gong, one of my major studies in school, which will be furthering my knowledge and career. I get to do this because I believe I can. It is possible, all I needed to do is to believe in that inner voice telling me that I am worthy, that the possibility was at my finger tips. I worked hard, and I listened. I stopped believing what others were projecting and began feeling my true inner calling. I started seeing the synchronicities, which told me I was on the right track.

Where does society step into your world and take down your belief, where does your ego step in and take over, making you look boastful?

What do you want to believe in yourself?

How do the people in your life show up?

Deep down we all have possibility, we all have a purpose. What is yours?




Do not negate feelings.

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