The self destructive ways humans create relationships in themselves and with others, is the way we begin to build on them.
In my own experiences in relationships, I navigated poorly. I have had many reactive ways in which I jump into relationships and dealt with them, which in turn has ended badly. With that I have gone into blame and shame, projecting the fault on the other person, until I started looking into the mirror.
Through this process I have learned that each relationship, no matter what kind, will lead to the next greatest thing to happen in my life. By looking deeply within, I get to find out why I am triggered by this person. It allows me to grow and become more in tune with my own self aligning me into integrity.
When I am in this process of transformation, it looks ugly and feels odd, and uncomfortable. The emotions that come up can become jumbled and if I don’t slow down I get lost in the experiences I am having. The authentic part is to not step into the blame and shame of it, yet step into a place of learning.
Intersecting relationships is the best way to learn about self. When two people meet energies mingle, if there is connection, there is also further dialog and then a relationship is formed. Some of them become very interpersonal, some become intimate, and some are just brief.
Many times we have no idea that there is a connection because we do not see beyond our own fears, or what we see in the other person. Have you ever stepped into a place where you felt uncomfortable or had a judgment of someone just by their demeanor? Sometimes we just turn away or avoid this person, so that we do not deal with the emotion. Sometimes we go into a relationship with no idea why we are drawn to this person. If we slow down, take a look at our own reaction and emotions, we can begin to see the bigger picture. If we ask the questions of our self and see the association of what this person is teaching us, we get to then honor them and learn, grow and become authentic to our emotions. .We also get to be discerning on what is healthy relationship for self.
I can only give you an example from my own world to assist in the deeper understanding of how this works.
Its story time !
A little over a year ago, I connected with another human in a strange way; the connection has continued and I had no understanding for the whole year. At times I questioned my own human thoughts on why I needed to connect with this person, why I had this intensity to talk with them. As the story unwound, I did not get any clear ideas of why, until Bam! the other day I got to see it. The demeanor of this person was self deprivation, with over tones of judgment.
This person was mimicking the behaviors I do in self deprivation. I had the belief that I did not belong in this person’s world, because I was not worthy. Wow what an epiphany! I was looking in my mirror of self judgment and depraving thoughts that I have had. The whole year I got to find the deeper meaning of the relationship I had with myself, I got to learn that I was worthy and I had more meaning in my own life.
I did get to dialog with this person about it, they of course had their own perspective and did not feel that this was their story. This did not matter, it was my mirror, and it was what I needed to see. If I did not look deeper into my own perspective, I would have built stories around it, and started the process of self destruction. Creating inner dialog that does not serve my higher purpose, like “I am not worthy,” or “this person seems judgmental,” I could have chosen some past behavior that demeaned my self esteem further, like over eating, or choosing to shut off and avoid. I would have not been in-authentic, by avoiding my truth, and project the emotions on this other person. I would have chosen unhealthy ways to deal with my them.
It was a year of analyzing, interpreting their statements and behaviors. I did not take the time to make it personal; I just looked at the deeper meaning. I began to align with my own ideas on the actions and statements this person made. I got to see the emotions in me that were brought to the surface, work the story behind it. This is how I begin to become aligned with my own integrity. It is how I start to place importance on what I want to I choose in my life, and not to draw into a relationship that is unhealthy. I got to get closer to my relationship with me and a see I would not like in my life and what I would like to build on, on an intimate level. Finally; I honor this person because they have taught me a huge lesson, and I am able to avoid negative relationship issues with this person.
Paying attention to each moment with others, I get to step into a reflection of the way I am impacted by these interactions. It is how I can and you can see beyond the emotion, looking into the deeper level of self. It is where we can begin to learn about the lessons that have kept us in a co-dependence, bad relationships, blame and shame. We begin to step off the triangle of dis-empowerment and heal the pieces within that keep us modeling, negative behaviors.
How do you see yourself in relationship?
How do you build the story around the person who you are in relationship with, live with, or work with.
How do react to uncomfortable situations.
How do you stay in the moment and see the mirror?
Lets Dialog, I have a free coaching session for anyone ready to step into the mirror work.