This last year was filled with exploration of the old, of travel and self discovery, from so many levels.
Family, friends, tribe, love and self, I have seen a change from the inside, growing from one belief or perception to another. Integrating my past in what its meaning is for now and the future.
Through out my life I have bouncing back and forth into and out of certain realities, all while the universe continued to support me, even in my darkest hours, and I am glad I can say I am still here, healing.
Each day I wonder how, what and where is it going to go, what is going to come up, who is going to show up and even how am I going to feel. I found a new description for my emotions, it’s called being on the spectrum. Like many people we seem to not fit in, our world is difficult to navigate and yet somehow we do. We become entrapped in ideals from our past, present patterns and future outlook. Many of the people I know feel separated, living confused and on the spectrum of abby normal. They are feeling lost in how to heal the past, staying focused on the present, and want to have hope for the future. They consistently are living a pattern of unhealthy thoughts, triggers and disappointment, they spiral like I did, lost and confused on what to do. Does any of this resonate?
My story rolls so closely along with so many people I see in a day, that my thoughts wonder how we can shift so that these amazing people can participate and illicit change. I wonder how we can fit into this crazy messed up world with so many people separated by judgment, and a preformed thought on what is right and wrong.
I my self have been judged, spending many years asking to see love, to see people love each other; I wanted to change the world.
As a young girl, my mother used to tell me the “The world is going to break me, because I was too positive.” Yet I was persistent and believed that I could change the world as a little girl, just by sending love out.
In the past year I have looked at how the world did break me, the people who showed up in my life, found ways to target my weaknesses. They found ways that made me find my limits in self , the universe kept at it until, I said enough and changed.
Yes the people in my world broke me, broke me of self judgment, by allowing me to see my darkest hours, allow me to break the boundaries of one level of self depreciation, just so I could find the deeper layer. I cleaned corners of my subconscious, as I kept seeing that the darkest layers were the hardest, and I get to say” I am still here!”
Every day for the past year I have been able to reflect on those moments.
Fourteen years old, having been raped and in foster care, people showed up to bring me up and just so I could survive the next story.
Twenty year old mother of three, and people continued to show up, just to support me as I was basically a single mother. Years later as my children needed me less, I began to blooming, my focus was just trying to support and take care of family, with no identity and no self esteem. When I was ready, people again showed up, they were amazing helping hands great gifts, and I accepted them, and took another step up. Raising my vibration in self thought, and growing my heart about love.
So here I am now, looking at all the growth, and where my love for self and reflection on where I want to be is at. Guess what? Those people have shown up again, to show me how deeply I can choose to love myself. I am cutting cords to old patterns of love and feeling less lonely. They show up in many ways, some in all their dark mean glory, some just don’t know what they are doing. It is perfect and what life is trying to teach me, a reflection of my own healing. With that, I am able to rise above the drama of it and look at where and what is mine and where I need to let go of it.
And ask “Why do I need to ride this ride, and how many times do I want to ride it.”
I recently participated in a wonderful breath work, that brought up the first memory of when I shut down love for myself, it triggered a memories of an incident of a low vibration reflex from my Step father. From that point I shut myself down, I wanted love, for the world yet I did not look for love and respect for myself. I now see that my heart can open up because of the lesson, seeing the act as perfect, that nothing can be done now, staying out of blame and shame, I am now able to heal.
How does that look, first I utilized an alternative healing method; and there are many; to find the trigger, see the pattern of behavior, and then look at all the ways to heal it.
I have spent years working to find higher ground, first I had to see it and then I had to reach for it, now I am reaching for the sky. What I am on right now is the fast paced learning curve, where I have learned that Love also has to be from within to give it.
Today I dove in, I jumped from the highest platform of healing that I could find. I know that life has asked me to jump, take another leap of faith in self. I am asking from myself, to have patients and gentleness that extent to so many, now it is time for me. I am now finding ways to manage my heart from the inside, and feel a great opportunity to share with others.
I live pretty magically, I get to work with many people in healing their darkness, and in return I show up for them. They are lifted because I assist them with the dark areas, which they fear to look at. It is an amazing journey and opportunity so that they can heal old wounds and patterns. As they find that the process is very intentional, it is also brings light and self understanding from a higher place. Some of my clients face physical obstacles, and pains that need many approaches. This is where alternative healing and resources for a healthy happier lifestyle can bring their vibration up.
It has been my calling in life. What I can offer to people, assist bringing light into their world, is my ultimate dream that we can all love ourselves.
I am here to change a paradigm, to shift a consciousness and raising the vibration of the planet, believing the world can be better place to live in and love in.
Take a chance on a story that is rocking your world, see how it can shift, try a session for free.
I am emphatic, intuitive and understand the human condition; the first session is a gift so that you can experience what it is to change your perception and better your life.
Contact me and see how your life can shift.
I also offer a space that you can spend time breaking down the old beliefs and I share this space with alternative healing practitioners who also are ready and able to work with you.
Much love and gratitude for being on the spectrum with me.