Blame and Shame, the stories we tell to make ourselves feel better.

Blame and Shame, the stories we tell to make ourselves feel better.

My last blog post “Mirror Mirror” brought up a few items that people did not feel comfortable to express. Identifying   where they have placed blame and shame, yet it was easy to see where someone had blamed them or shamed them.

I personally think it is a part of the world we live in, the views we express and the attitude of what is right and who is wrong, it has the connotation that there is a broken piece. What if there is no broken pieces, what if the blame and shame story is the part of us that we need to incorporate to protect ourselves from the endless idea of perfection.

Blame is the way we assign the responsibility for a problem onto the shoulders of others.

Shame a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

I know; you all know,  the interpretation and or the definition of these two words, however do we ever pay attention to the damage that is caused by them?  The damage that is first caused with others as we take the stance of blame, then to work on shaming them for the blame; is compounding pain. As a society we walk with our fingers pointed outward at others. That is when we begin to do our self a disservice, by not being aware that we all play a part in the problem process. The attitude that we are not at fault for relationships failing, or miscommunications and even just a simple lane change turned car accident, is all something we play a part in.

So why do we place blame and shame? What is the purpose of not allowing yourself to be fallible and imperfect?

Because of the shame, the shame that others place on us, about our integrity and the ability to have prevented a situation. Ever get that feeling in your gut when you have made a mistake? Have you ever felt the guilt of not being enough, and not reacting properly in situations? It feels sickly and really uncomfortable.

That is your body; talking very loudly to you saying something is wrong from within. You made a mistake and now you need to work on it.

Is that what we hear, not usually, we usually just see, everyone’s reactions and not our own. . The idea that we made a mistake gets placed at the very back of our brain, we begin to find the first person that has affected us in the situation. They, in turn may do the same, wow what a vicious cycle.

Do yourself a practice today or soon, look into your opposition of blame and shame, whether you are the antagonist or not, and listen. Listen to people and how they talk about their friends, roommates, lovers, sisters and brothers. Hear how they place blame and shame about their lifes problems on the people that surround them. See your closest relationship, look at how much you place your story on them, then look at you, look at how you feel.

Is it worth all the pointing of fingers?

By placing blame we take the lime light, off of our self and then we get to step onto the triangle of disempowerment and become the bully. If you take the time and work on where you feel threatened to be fallible, you can learn about yours self and find ways to heal those area’s that create pain behind the shame of it.

I personally have done my work in expressing where I am fallible, working on it and moving into a space where I feel okay not to be perfect. There is no room for shame, I become a creator of my next best adventure in the game of life.

How do you want to transmute the energy in your life?

Stepping away from the old stories that don’t serve us is one way.

How can I be of service to assist you to understand that?

Take advantage of an offer of a free session, and see how quick it can change your trajectory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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