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Month: September 2017

Self Reconciliation

Self Reconciliation

While on the road I got the opportunity to meet with a band ‘The Holland’s” and the beautiful singer Jana. On this trip, I have had the opportunity to talk to a diverse amount of  people, I felt compelled to keep this story about the Holland’s, till last because of the concept of reconciliation with self, each other and the world.

So what is reconciliation; what is the meaning behind it, what is the purpose for self.

Regarding someone you disagree with or it is  a situation from former disagreements or enemies; where reconciliation is agree to an amicable truce, a restoration of friendly relations. Finally you can make the action of making one view or belief compatible with another. All is about working together with others. Reconciliation is a term that brings two sides together as an equal understanding.

What if it means you bring one side of self to understand the other side of self?

Knowing the term, yet using it in your world is a great journey.

Jana shared her journey of reconciliation with me and found that the word means more than just coming together. Her story began with growing up in a home with strong religious beliefs, that built a foundation of source energy, god or as she calls it ABBA. She also became the victim of sexual abuse, a not so uncommon tail in today’s world with many women and men I come across. It impacted her to the point where it separated her into two people. She told a tale of making choices that were outside sourcing, building a story of shame and blame toward her. When she became pregnant with a child she had no idea of the father, she became very sick and had to return home, where she began to find a self within her that was hidden. She bought a guitar to put her pain into words and music, and found the hidden part of her soul that kept her moving toward the light, and her higher conscious, the ABBA. She states that “the reconciliation with ABBA and self was a feeling of complete trust and acceptance. She felt like the prison door was opened and could breathe for the first time.” The music was a great outlet and a new beginning.

We all have had those times of light and dark, and if not I ask you to look deeply at how your are living a truth for you. In these times we can be torn from our truest beliefs and plunged into darkness that does not agree with our soul. Becoming disconnected working on bringing those two pieces together can be arduous, because we have to face those things that become our shame.

Shame,  that place where life seems to envelope from our decisions. We either learn from it or stay there, and it becomes our story. I have been there so many times, and know the drama that unfolds in my head to keep me there. Does this become my complete truth?

For Jana, it was a destiny of becoming something she was not, struggling with split beliefs wanting nothing more to find that soul, the missing piece. If she had never been blessed with her beautiful daughter,  she may have continued down the self destructive road. Yet ABBA, the higher consciousness, played its card to deliver her a child to care for, so that she could learn to care for herself. Care and love,  became a place where she became reconciled with knowledge that she had the capacity to not only love someone, yet also love herself.

Learning that the game of shame was not the final note in which she would live her life.

This brought her to a place of focus on her, and her child, she began to delve back in to her faith, bonding with music her mother and child. For one full year she resigned herself to focus on healing those wounds and staying out of relationship for the sake of reconciliation. Ten months into the yearlong purposeful journey, she met her soon to be husband Craig. Who was working with a Celtic punk band and on his course to a new way of making music also. Coming together they became what is now ‘The Holland’s” Marymaking Nomads.  Through the building of their music relationship and marriage, they had began to raise Jana’s daughter Graciana and had a son together Banjo.

Reconciliation continued in the journey as became another part of the story, from the beginning they put out music from a mix of background, punk band for Craig and Jana’s song making from a child with her grandmother singing old hymns in nursing homes.  Melding the two forms was a process, sometimes it became a seprate task each working their own form of music. Working together takes a determination , It is also takes communication. Words not spoken or shared become a place of separation. When things became frustrating they became separated.  Jana began to take it personal that they were not connecting in the music as much as she thought was possible. Lack of communication can bring a rift between any two people, as the nonexistent words open up so many places in our head to go to, building stories.

Married in 2000 the music was separate in its form, as they continued down the road of trying to meld the two, they had strife; however in that strife, they had to learn more about the areas that had to grow between them. The ability to work on the pain, the hurt emotions took perseverance with dedication to each other.  This brought them to a place where the music started working together, reconciling with grace as they became more cohesive in love and music.

To reconcile anything it takes understanding from the perspective from others and self. As we build stories in our head that come from past events or past behaviors built within us. We also build stories from past experiences that create a blame and shame. The truest form of dedication is to look into those places, facing the darkness of past together. This is what these two people had to face, past behaviors, darkness, shame and blame. Coming together to make music that resonates reconciliation.

It has taken me two weeks to really get a focal on this exact story; actually it took more than that, as I had to unwind the stories that happened for me on this trip. I started out with the intention of finding people who were making a difference in the world, wondering how I personally could make a difference in this world. I cannot change anything, until I reconcile with myself. The road trip brought me to my parents who were worried and scared for me vs.  supporting me. I had to look close and understand that they come from a background of fear. With that I also had to see their shame and blame, as I reconciled with the idea that I grew up wearing a coat that did not fit me. The coat was their beliefs and I gave it back to them. I love them and have worked on reconciling that relationship since I left my home at 14. I now realize it’s theirs to do now. This allows me to grow into my own coat of belief and power to change.

On the road, I also ran into myself, face to face with all my fears, with all my shame and blame. Looking deeply at my torn soul, I am now only me to take responsibility for. This seems easy for some, yet I have spent most of my life living for others. It is now me and two companion dogs who have helped keep me grounded.

I look at Jana and her story as a great example of how the world becomes torn apart, to show me how I was separated. I personally have been torn from self, into many dark places, with shame and blame my favorite partners in crime. Now that I get to work on that new self, that reconciliation can bring me into a greater healing place. I am in great gratitude that I took a leap of faith and a road journey that brought me to Jana and her wonderful family.

I am thankful for Kat being at the end of the pool waiting to introduce us, at the hot springs in Bozeman. It allowed me to hear Jana’s words to look softly at my mother, seeing her in her full beauty. I am in honoring of those who are ready to stop the shame and blame of others and self, looking deeply at the roots of how they can heal.

I invite you to visit The Holland’s website, The Holland’s. Hear their music of Reconciliation, enjoy the sounds of real healing and intention.

I also invite you to the day I turn 50 where I am asking all to become reconciled with those who have crossed you, hurt you as they are your biggest teachers. It is time we look inward at how we keep ourselves from growing. On October 3rd I turn 50 and my birthday request is to find a place in your heart to let go of all past and move forward with a loving heart. Turning 50

I invite you to look deeply at how you can reconcile with you.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.


Taking the Road Less Traveled

Taking the Road Less Traveled

 A road less traveled has made all the difference, while I walk a very fine line of what is normal and what is a world of wonder, I know that there is possibility.   Traveling a road that I  did not know who I would or if I would encounter while on it , became and opening of that wonder. What I did find is many people looking for answers to find resolution, many people just living and supporting each other, raising the hopes for all.

In my last blog “Looking at the connections”  I ended in Lolo hot springs, where if I would have looked the other way I would not have gain perspective on the strife of so many. There were people who are coming out from under the blanket of drugs and alcohol, pulling themselves  from the destructive forces of addictive substances.  Their struggle only showed me that I had an opportunity, and to keep moving on the path that I have been on, the one less traveled, the one that will elicit change. Creating a positive place for future generations to enjoy life fully.

As I continued on the road from Lolo, my trajectory was to meet a women, I met in Lolo. She was a firefighter and was moving on from the fires of Lolo to go home for a bit, and she invited me to visit her at the reservation she lived on. However; I found out long into my journey she was not as close and my travels would have taken me further out than I was prepared for. However I will visit her soon, and know that story will continue.

It did steer me toward Bozeman Hot Springs, where I thought maybe  there might be people looking to connect, yet it was quiet and very solitary in the camping area.  I did meet an older gentleman who was hoping to help a young girl find her calling and stay off of Methamphetamine.  He shared his and her story, that he was able to assist her to begin to see the light, she began to write, and now she is drug free and attending college to pursue her writing career . He had his share of a story, and took his perspective on political insights and liked to write about it also.  Looking at the man you would see his sorrows for what was happening in the world, and how it is so hard to get people on board to change the paradigm. He stated “He felt the hands of people are tied and there is no way they believe they can change it.” I tend to agree, yet I will add that people have to choose to change, and can, by untying the beliefs and be brave enough to step up.  I feel it’s about being the example, helping one starfish find her calling, assisting those who are ready, and staying open to all people who come into our lives.


After the wonderful conversation with this amazing  man I decided to soak in the hot springs as my body was ready after days of driving and  lifting camping supplies in and out of the car. I wish I had trained Nala better to help, yet she lacks opposable thumbs.  So off I went, leaving Nala at the camp to watch over it. I found the hot springs was more hopping and resort like, with a fitness center, large swimming pool and smoothie amenities.

As I entered the space, there were a lot of people, kids, teenagers, and older people we soaking through out the large pools. It was almost too much, yet I needed the warm water.  I spied a women sitting by herself at the end of the pool where it seemed quiet. I came over and began to conversation about the Chaos on the other side. The next thing I know I had met a siStar, she was a health coach/personal trainer, she had lived in Wisconsin and she loved all the same movies as I do. We then began to talk about my journey and how I am looking for people who are interested in changing the world. She stated that I needed to meet the band, friends of hers, that were working on Reconciliation tour.  I was so intrigued we set up a time to meet in the am and awaited to meet them.

The next morning I was not prepared for the story I got from the singer Jana. It was an amazing journey, and so full of growth from all levels. I honor her and her ability to dig into the depths of truth. Even though at times judgment could take its hammer down upon her, she was steady on her path.  Her husband, daughter and son are amazing attributes to change.  I will dive into the complete story in my next blog. The story deserves the attention of entirety and I believe the message is big enough that it calls out to everyone. Please take the time and look for it.

As I left the presents of the new sweet friends I had made, Jana and Kat, I felt renewed and ready explore my next adventure, where I was invited to play on the Snake River with some very old friends, aka other family. It was an amazing drive through Yellowstone, I did see a few animals, but most of all it was about alone time in the car, with Nala, as we had to wait in Labor Day traffic and accidents, we got to see people reacting, waiting and becoming impatient. So much perspective on what is important. We sat in the cool air and collected our thoughts on what will the next adventure would bring.

We arrived late at the Snake; and were welcomed by a huge family. My other family, who are interactive in my life at least once a week. They check in and let me know that they are interested in my travels and life. They also allow me to be a part of their world, and ask me just to be myself. They also show how much they believe in me. This is their higher work, standing by someone, believing in them, working for higher conscious thinking. They are positive rays of light, in a world of chaotic times, and I honor that in them.

We spent the next couple of days rafting the Snake River, where at one point I was asked if I wanted to jump off a cliff (into the river).  Bucket list item! Sure enough,  it was insisted, when the person rowing the boat,  who has supported me in many of my life learning journeys,  backed the boat up river so I could jump.  The act of  backing the boat up was a example of how much belief and how I was supported in “you can do this. ” This is such a great gift.  It filled my heart with  joy, and allowed me to feel that anything is possible when you have the support of people you love and they allow you to be you, so I jumped. I was exhilarating , and a check  off that bucket list.   I am lucky to be a part of these peoples lives as they are very supportive of the journey of hope.

Sometimes that is all a person needs is to believe they can jump and be safe, to know that someone has your back. Strangers, acquaintances and even family, all have a story, they all have some ability to be supported, if someone is there, all it takes is just to give them hope on their journey.  If we all took the time and supported others who are struggling, yet ready to change, we can elicit change  in them and ourselves. All those people needed at Lolo were just ray of hope that they could shift their paradigm, and when they got that they jumped.

I hope that everyone can see that this was not just my journey, that their journey, and it is well worth taking, even if the road is less traveled.

How do you impact the world?

How can you?

How do you lift a soul up?

I want to hear about the strides you are taking, I think the world should hear more about what is right. Please take the time and share here or on my facebook page,

Lets share with the world your stories of hope, lets see if people can look at the other side.

Julia Rae

Looking at the connections

Looking at the connections

As the travels wind down so do Nala and I, they have been fun, exciting, beautiful and amazing. As we explored the last two weeks, we found ourselves in the company of amazing people, and the most intriguing stories.  I was so blessed to be in the presents of so many working to heal the planet and I hope that in the days to come I can share each persons story as passionate as they were about their journey.  Taking the time and just sharing my interpretation is first on the list of stories to share.

The first stop we took was in Midway, where I was able to pick up my first personal musical instrument a Native American Flute.  Russ Jones was an amazing teacher, who taught me the basics, as I knew I would have time to practice during my down times on the road.  He showed me how to play, blow and get in touch with my breath.  It allowed the next couple of weeks to ground me when it was time to look inward.

I spent the night in Midway, then hit the road down the mirror lake Hwy, stopped at the top for an amazing hike at Bald Mountain and a dive into a cool mountain Lake. Refreshing, beautiful, Nala and I loved to ability to enjoy such landscape.  I hope that it stays as pristine and clear as humans become more and more encroaching on the forest and deserts of the planet.

We then set out toward Bear Lake, not knowing where we were going to stay or who we would meet, we ended up at a campsite on top of Logan canyon, where we met no one, and it was quiet, and rainy. So we huddled into our tent and listened to the amazing thunder and watched the lightning, open up in the sky.  We both jumped with each crack, honoring the awesome energy and power of the earth.

The next day was meet up with my parents, Mom and Step Dad, who came in from Arkansas for SD high school reunion. I was more interested in seeing my Mother, as she is aging and each day with her has been so precious, as I have had so few. I got to visit with both, for a brief minute in Logan at Café Ibis (love that place), where they were both very worried about my adventure and my career trajectory. I let them know that I feel very empowered to keep on my path and wished them well on their travels.

So off we went to the little town of Richmond, Utah where if you’re not looking you will miss the amazing people who live there. I am lucky to know a childhood friend and a year old friend all who know how to have fun.  It is not an easy life, everybody works hard, yet on the off days it’s about finding the joy in what they have. Nala and I got to swing on an old swing set, which brought me back to the days with my little sister, who I got to teach how to swing, slide and enjoy the little things in life. I almost forgot and I am so grateful for that time then and now. It is never too late to play and enjoy what life has to offer. I also saw an amazing Halloween yard decorations in the works, as they are setting up for quite a show. It’s all about what you enjoy doing in life, bringing joy to others or even a few scares.

Two days of swinging, I left for my favorite place to heal my body and my soul. Our last winter stomping ground at a Hot Springs in Idaho, where I showed up a year earlier to celebrate my graduation, for a camping trip with my two dogs. Three months later I was working there. That was an amazing time, heavy snow and elements, kept my mind busy and my soul healing. It is even more amazing now,  I get to come back to see my brothers from other mothers; that I bonded with then and get to again.  Maple Grove Hot springs is moving in the direction of self sustainability, and it will create the blue print for how we as humans can be better stewards. I look forward to sharing that story as the events and wellness center will be growing there.

As I was there I met the next interview, which if you saw my last blog post was about building earthships for Homeless Veterans, with Mitchell Ballard and Foxhole homes. If it were not for the man’s passion we may have never met, I am so lucky and I look forward to all his journeys as he grows the drive, to save the planet.

Leaving Soda springs Idaho I let the road lead me in the direction of Challis Idaho, where I was able to take in the views, and an amazing Ghost Town. Such history there, and even old time earthships, which is the featured picture.. It is an old idea, and it has been engineered so that we can sustain a lot longer with less hard ships; like the hermits that lived in these homes.



I am going to give a shout out to the Holiday Lodge Motel in Challis.  I looked at all three motels in town and this was the cleanest and the most updated.  I also can say that these people took great pride in the place, and was working well with its antiquity of the structure, electrical, to make it a nice pleasant place to stay.  I know I will be staying there again.

After two days of rest and visiting there, I moved up the 93 toward Missoula Montana, where I was not sure where I was going. I stopped at a few places and finally rested at Lolo hot springs a quaint little place that had an edge to it. With the smoke filled air I came across two fire fighters who were clearing out, saying they had finished what they could do in the area and we moving home.  The community was very happy to support these fighters of fire, thanking them in any way possible.

I also met a small community of people who were just moving through; they had their share of troubles and were just looking for a break. I wonder how many people in the world are just looking for a better time and place to live. They all have some story that leads them down the road they went, and now are looking for a way to lift them up. I could only offer a smile, prayer and hope that they could rise above, sharing the knowledge they are worthy of a wonderful life.

I am going to end this blog midway of the trip and at this story, I feel that the journey deserves so many words and your attention to it may be waning; however, I do want to end it with a few questions.

How do you see people that you encounter in your life?

Do you see them?

Do you see them for their full potential, or do you have a story about them?

Is there any connection, or do you walk past them hoping to not feel what they are going through?

The reason I set out on this journey was to find connection, find people who were engaging the world.  Setting out to change, some of these people were working on the big picture, while others it was a more personal change.  Whether you are working on a big project or, holding power journeys, or just working to be better, you are eliciting change.

How are you helping the world be a better place, how are you healing you?

I will add to my next blog a few more snippets of the next few days  winding  down the trip and then dive into the most amazing interview,  about  a wonderful traveling family band, and the singer and the story she shared Jana, “The Holland’s” Theirs is story is worth the read and the music is worth a daily listen.

The Holland’s on their tour bus


Peace, Love and Hot Fudge Sunday’s

Julia Rae