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Month: April 2017

Wonderful, doesn’t feel wonderful all the time

Wonderful, doesn’t feel wonderful all the time

Be open to the self

I like to think that I stay positive in most situations, yet there are times where I get to feeling down, and situations arise where I get upset about circumstances that get placed in front of me.  This is the time where knuckling under and working on the problem becomes the greatest growth in my life.

When life gives you lemons and you get the idea to make lemonade out of it, you learn that it is a process of the squeezing the juiciest part of the lemon and throwing out the parts that are bitter. The illusion; that strife is a part of this life and has to be arduous, is how we stay in negative modes and old patterns. Staying stuck in a continuous cycle of unhappiness and thus this creates dis-ease.

Wonderful doesn’t always feel wonderful, staying open to what the lesson is and find the wonder in it, is the turn key for change.  It is important that attention is paid on the story, and the patterns. The story is the old blueprint in which we formed action habits to keep us in the cycle or to move through the hard parts.

So much of it is in the mirrors, so let’s look at the mirror.

If you are gluttonous, eat too much and/or the wrong things you will gain weight, in turn your body reacts with the imbalance, with health issues. It will be yelling loud and clear that you are out of control eating too much or the wrong foods for your body.  This is our body mirroring the notion that it needs a healthy vessel to participate in life.

This is a physical mirror. yet what about the unseen mirror?

Emotionally, we can become off balance because we do not pay attention to the patterns, our self esteem will go into the depths that are uncomfortable. We may even over compensate with narcissistic behaviors or become recluse to avoid facing the issue at hand.  The wonder of the world will leave, and we tend to chose unhealthy patterns of behavior, like over doing drinking, eating, sex, drugs, buying, gambling, it is all connected to a pattern.  Patterns that were taught to us as children, and from there we begin the stages that keep us in the habits.

The emotion gets buried, and then life begins to spiral more out of control.

While I do believe and feel there are also other reasons for addiction; I also believe that a person who looks at the deeper level of self understanding are more able to work through hardships, thus reach for more healthier behaviors. The person that looks strongly in the mirror and asks the hard question, ”why do I keep doing this to myself, “ is more apt to find the foundation to start to stand on their own ground vs. the victim stance.  We create the obstacles’, we can learn to hurdle them too.

Story time!

The story starts with a little girl, who was taught that her worthiness was built on what she could do as a girl and how boy’s worth was better because of what they could do and how they handled life, with force.

Anybody else get that lesson?

Onward- This little girl learned that reacting swiftly and angrily would get the best results, and they worked sometimes. That is how I learned to deal with things to get the attention off of my mistakes.  I also had to place fault elsewhere, otherwise I may look foolish and wrong. I used bullying to create a place for me to make excuses of why my life was not going as I wanted. This is a childish behavior that I learned at a very young age, and shifted the blame as a teenager from my parents to the other people who showed up in my life.

These people became my friends, co workers, husbands and even children. The patterns that  became me, were either the victim or the bully. I also resolved myself to being the rescuer, because I needed to fix things around me to feel successful in my world. This is how I felt worthy.  I also pushed away many healthy relationships because I had stories of why they may harm me.  When in truth I did not feel worthy of their presents, because they emulated the best possible person I could be, yet I did not show up that way for me.

These patterns went on for many years, till finally I was tired, sick and done with life. I felt like dying, and I did to a certain disagree, I wanted to die off the old self and find something new, because what was happening in my world was not serving me anymore.

I felt worthless, until I learned that I had the recipe in me to heal, to heal the broken feelings and weakness of mind. The first step was to quit placing the blame on others, and also on myself. I was able to realize that everything was as it was supposed to be, and this opened me up to understanding the deeper root of myself relation to worth.

I learned through peeling away the layers that I did not deal with my relations in a way that was honoring to me, and this is where I lost my worth.  When I placed blame on others, I desecrated the foundation of myself, by not being in integrity or honoring the person for bringing it up in me. I had to learn that the people who made me the angriest were showing the pieces in me that I needed to heal.  The mirror was right in front of me the whole time, as I blamed, I became more entangled into the story and used a lot of emotional patterns to defend my ground.

Once I saw the mirror as the gift, I was able to look inside, deeper at what I wanted to create and what I was allowing to be created, like bad relationships and people who would draw the picture of what I believed was my life,” The Victim.”

I stepped out of victim, by looking at the mirror and was able to jump into the creator of great situations and people to come into my world.

Since then I have grown, and feel that I am becoming the beautiful colored butterfly that I always was.  I have a beautiful world of friends, and tribe that allow me to move and grow. I get the opportunity to call in the like mindedness of people who work on self understanding. I am able to love people at a deeper level, because I love myself.  I also get to be loved because I allow it vs. push it away.  This is where the wonder begins, I feel worthy of this world and I can overcome any obstacle, and I get to come from a peaceful place, of positive energy. I look at the negativity as a hurdle to understand and leap with grace and perseverance.

I also get to utilize temperance and prudence in dealing with my own emotions, and others projections. I gain quality of clarity; I also learned to duck well, from other peoples blame and shame.

I share these things with you, because I feel that you have the ability to overcome the obstacles’ in your life just by going inward. I also believe it’s never too late and the time is now, to learn to feel the joy that is inherent to life. The world is built on the belief that life is not without strife, no one ever said it had to be hard, and without joy. Is it easy, yet it is easier the more we look in the mirror.

Stop the cycle; find the true joy and worth in you.

Step off the triangle of dis-empowerment, and become the creator in you, for you.

How do you deal with your neighbor, sister, brother, mother, son, father, stinky co worker or yourself. Do you honor those pieces in you?

Let me help you find the joy in your world and work beyond the mental strife we place ourselves in.

Contact me for a free phone session, and let’s get the joy moving into your life today.

The you, you are, is the only amazing you, you can be, if you are sitting in integrity.

The you, you are, is the only amazing you, you can be, if you are sitting in integrity.

What is from above can be seen from within.

The self destructive ways humans create relationships in themselves and with others, is the way we begin to build on them.

In my own experiences in relationships, I navigated poorly. I have had many reactive ways in which I jump into relationships and dealt with them, which in turn has ended badly. With that I have gone into blame and shame, projecting the fault on the other person, until I started looking into the mirror.

Through this process I have learned that each relationship, no matter what kind, will lead to the next greatest thing to happen in my life.  By looking deeply within, I get to find out why I am triggered by this person.  It allows me to grow and become more in tune with my own self aligning me into integrity.

When I am in this process of transformation, it looks ugly and feels odd, and uncomfortable. The emotions that come up can become jumbled and if I don’t slow down I get lost in the experiences I am having. The authentic part is to not step into the blame and shame of it, yet step into a place of learning.

Intersecting relationships is the best way to learn about self. When two people meet energies mingle, if there is connection, there is also further dialog and then a relationship is formed. Some of them become very interpersonal, some become intimate, and some are just brief.

Many times we have no idea that there is a connection because we do not see beyond our own fears, or what we see in the other person. Have you ever stepped into a place where you felt uncomfortable or had a judgment of someone just by their demeanor? Sometimes we just turn away or avoid this person, so that we do not deal with the emotion. Sometimes we go into a relationship with no idea why we are drawn to this person.  If we slow down, take a look at our own reaction and emotions, we can begin to see the bigger picture.  If we ask the questions of our self and see the association of what this person is teaching us, we get to then honor them and learn, grow and become authentic to our emotions. .We also get to be discerning on what is healthy relationship for self.

I can only give you an example from my own world to assist in the deeper understanding of how this works.

Its story time !

A little over a year ago, I connected with another human in a strange way; the connection has continued and I had no understanding for the whole year. At times I questioned my own human thoughts on why I needed to connect with this person, why I had this intensity to talk with them. As the story unwound, I did not get any clear ideas of why, until Bam! the other day I got to see it. The demeanor of this person was self deprivation, with over tones of judgment.

This person was mimicking the behaviors I do in self deprivation. I had the belief that I did not belong in this person’s world, because I was not worthy. Wow what an epiphany! I was looking in my mirror of self judgment and depraving thoughts that I have had. The whole year I got to find the deeper meaning of the relationship I had with myself, I got to learn that I was worthy and I had more meaning in my own life.

I did get to dialog with this person about it, they of course had their own perspective and did not feel that this was their story. This did not matter, it was my mirror, and it was what I needed to see. If I did not look deeper into my own perspective, I would have built stories around it, and started the process of self destruction. Creating inner dialog that does not serve my higher purpose, like “I am not worthy,” or “this person seems judgmental,” I could have chosen some  past behavior that demeaned my self esteem  further, like over eating, or choosing to shut off and avoid.  I would have not been in-authentic, by avoiding my truth, and project the emotions on this other person. I would have chosen unhealthy ways to deal with my them.

It was a year of analyzing, interpreting their statements and behaviors. I did not take the time to make it personal; I just looked at the deeper meaning. I began to align with my own ideas on the actions and statements this person made. I got to see the emotions in me that were brought to the surface, work the story behind it. This is how I begin to become aligned with my own integrity. It is how I start to place importance on what I want to I choose in my life, and not to draw into a relationship that is unhealthy. I got to get closer to my relationship with me and a see I would not like in my life and what I would like to build on, on an intimate level. Finally; I honor this person because they have taught me a huge lesson, and I am able to avoid negative relationship issues with this person.

Paying attention to each moment with others, I get to step into a reflection of the way I am impacted by these interactions. It is how I can and you can see beyond the emotion, looking into the deeper level of self.  It is where we can begin to learn about the lessons that have kept us in a co-dependence, bad relationships, blame and shame. We begin to step off the triangle of dis-empowerment and heal the pieces within that keep us modeling, negative behaviors.

How do you see yourself in relationship?

How do you build the story around the person who you are in relationship with, live with, or work with.

How do react to uncomfortable situations.

How do you stay in the moment and see the mirror?

Lets Dialog, I have a free coaching session for anyone ready to step into the mirror work.